Narcissism In Children: What Are The Signs And How To Deal With It?
11-year-old Dave breaks his friend’s toy car because it was costlier than his. When his mom reprimands him, he refuses to see reason and is adamant that he hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he blames his friend for buying an expensive car. “He shouldn’t have bought it, and shouldn’t have shown that to me,” he argues.
Such behavior could be an indication of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) in children, and it can prove to be a problem for the child in the long-run. NPD is an advanced, mental condition when compared to normal narcissism.
MomJunction tells you what NPD is, what causes it, and how you can identify and address the problem.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
When a personality disorder is related to a person’s immense love for oneself, self-admiration and importance and one’s own requirements, desires and well-being, it is called narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) (1)
The child believes they are superior and deserve to be treated better than anyone else. They also have complete disregard for the feelings of others.
However, simple self-love or selfishness cannot be termed as NPD. Let’s see how a child with NPD is different from a normal child.
A Normal Child Vs. A Child With NPD (2)
|A normal child craves for attention but it is age-appropriate. They are grateful and appreciate the attention.
||The child seeks attention as their right, but do not express gratitude to the parents for being kind and nice to them.
|The child aspires to be big or role-plays as a superhero, etc., but they know that’s not true.
||The child believes that they are great and the others are lower than them.
|Their needs are realistic and can be fulfilled.
||They have high and unreasonable expectations from others.
|They make friends and have a good relationship with the family
||Find it difficult to make and maintain friendships.
Signs/ Traits Of NPD In A Child
The following traits, if occurring together, can be the signs of a typical narcissist (3) (4):
- High levels of self-importance
- Unpractical ideas of limitless achievements and power
- Feel that they are entitled to everything they ask for
- Gaze aversion, wherein they do not look into the eyes of the speaker
- Separation anxiety
- Pathologic play
- Believe that they are better than all the other kids around
- Expect enormous respect and adoration
- Opportunistic behavioral pattern
- Don’t understand the needs of fellow beings
- Exaggerate their personal abilities or success
- Exploitative nature
- Envious of others’ achievements
- Formal manners even in personal and close relationships
- Inability to take constructive criticism and get hurt or insulted easily
- Blame others for their failures
If you think that your child is on the higher side of most of these traits, then they might be having NPD. But how could a child have such a personality disorder?
Causes Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The exact causes of narcissistic personality disorder are unknown. However, several factors like early childhood experiences, ambiance and psychological causes are thought to result in such mental conditions (5). Some of the reasons could be:
- Negligent parenting, parents being detached or unresponsive to the child’s care.
- Codependent parenting, where the fine line between being protective and over-protective, love and obsession is not maintained.
- Excessive pampering in childhood or making the kid the golden child of the family, where anything they do is praised indiscriminately.
- Excessive pampering can also make one a narcissistic extension child, meaning that they are supplied with the admiration or attention they demand.
- Narcissistic parents can affect their kids. Such parents see the child’s individuality as a threat, and curb it. Such behavior, in turn, makes the kid a narcissist when they grow up, thinking this is normal.
- Too much negative criticism makes kids feel inadequate and bad about themselves, so they develop narcissism as a defence mechanism.
- Being an adopted child or having divorced parents can make a child insecure and vulnerable. They often don’t feel loved, so self-love helps them carry on in life.
- Irrational expectations from parents can make a child think either too highly or too low of themselves. Both conditions can lead to narcissism.
- Abuse of any sort can make people feel victimized and unloved. They become narcissists unknowingly and prefer not having to see the world in its entirety.
- Hypersensitive children have a chance of getting narcissistic.
- Genetic anomaly or some genetic aberration can lead to this mental condition due to some changes in the brain.
NPD is not life-threatening but it is good to get it diagnosed and treated for the child to have a better behavior and social life.
Diagnosis Of NPD
The process of diagnosis will involve a few of these steps (6) (1):
- The doctor will initially evaluate the child’s mental health.
- They will talk to the child to understand their level of self-love and importance.
- The child’s behavior towards the therapists is also analyzed to know whether they are condescending or cordial.
- A physical examination may be done to eliminate other physical conditions that may cause the symptoms.
- If no other cause is found, the doctor will come up with a mental healthcare plan specific to the child.
- The diagnosis of NPD usually involves understanding the patient psychologically; therefore, the doctors use questionnaires, assessment activities, and scale tests.
- The doctor may ask questions on the child’s academic performance, quality of friendships, number of friends, etc.
- Diagnosis is also done to check if the condition is narcissistic personality disorder or something else such as hypomania.
- The expert also observes if the NPD symptoms or characteristics displayed by the child are persistent and not phase or mood-based.
A common belief is that a person diagnosed with a mentally complex condition tends to remain like that all throughout their life. But NPD is manageable.
Treatment For NPD
The most effective treatment therapy for narcissistic personality disorder is psychotherapy instead of an outright medicinal treatment.
Some of the widely used therapeutic models are:
- Cognitive behavior therapy: This enables the patient to recognize the problem. To identify the thought and behavior patterns that are adverse and negative. The therapy helps change them with positive and constructive thoughts (7).
- Psychoanalytic psychotherapy: This targets the child’s grandiose self, their defense mechanisms against poor performances, and interactions with parents and peers. The therapy also involves the counseling of the parents and family of such NPD children (8).
- Family therapy: If narcissism is the result of over-evaluation and excessive love from the parents, then a psychotherapist might talk to the parents against such behavior and regulate their emotions towards the child (9).
Doctors prescribe antidepressant medicines to some, as they tend to get depressed and suffer from anxiety. Otherwise, no specific medication is used for the child.
It is important for the child and the parents to follow the treatment process to avoid any future complications.
Complications Arising From NPD
Possible complications that may arise from narcissistic personality disorder are:
- Indulgence in drugs or alcohol when they grow up.
- Relationship crisis with friends and family.
- Getting socially awkward and lacking a social circle.
- Difficult relationships at school and home.
You can avoid the long-term damage by complementing the treatment with personal care at home.
Homecare For A Child With NPD
If you observe that your child is showing the traits of narcissism, help them understand the dynamics of emotional and social relationships with these tips:
- Be firm but not violent. Violence and aggression can set your child off from you completely. Narcissists have an inflated ego and they take things personally and get hurt. They suffer from “narcissistic injury” or vulnerable self-esteem. Try to discipline your child practically.
- Curb the sense of entitlement: Make your child understand that they are very much like others in the family and will not get a special treatment. For example, if your child feels their siblings and friends are entitled to them, and behaves bossily, tell them they cannot bully others or expect others to be subservient. At the same time, do not ridicule the child.
- Moderate conversations: Make your child understand that listening to others is as important as talking. The conversations should be 50% of speaking and 50% listening. Make them practice this at home.
- Have a balance in relationships: Make your kid understand the dynamics of a relationship, starting from your home; how chores are shared and how everyone has to be considerate towards the other for a better living. Explain to them how you and your spouse share the responsibility of taking care of the family, earning for them, and providing food, while the kids in the family go to school, study and behave well.
- Provide unconditional love: Do not attach your love to something the child achieves. Do not pamper them with gifts when they achieve something and bombard them with insults when they fail. Maintain neutrality, and love them uniformly, always.
Narcissism is not a mental problem or a disease. It is present in every human being, in variations. Only when it starts affecting the individual’s quality of life, relationships, and well-being, it becomes pathological narcissism, which requires intervention.